So, I'm supposed to take it easy in these first few months. I'm currently trying to establish a working thesis, and get a bunch of chapter titles situated. I believe that I have a lot of good ideas, and that some of them might actually work. I think if I had an actual piece of writing as an example of what I am supposed to be doing, that would help incredibly. Instead I sit at my computer wondering what I should be writing, and here are the inner monologue transcripts from my first few attempts at writing chapter headings.
Me: "..."
I got nothing. I have got to ask one of my fellow PhD students what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with myself. I have a feeling though that I won't believe them when they say it's easy, or that I should be processing, or relaxing... mostly, I'm stressing and I need to know what's next. On another note, I've purchased three books online that I know will help me a lot. I'm just praying that none of them have stolen my idea. That's right, it's my idea... you can't have it. At least not until I'm ready to give it to you in three years, and even then it's still mine. You're just borrowing it, and then you need to give it back so I can work on it some more. Mine.
"...mine..."
I can't write that. What else is there to write? I can't write down what everyone else has already written. Dammit, the guy that I am currently reading, maybe I could just quote his entire book? That'd be funny. But, really, this guy is smart and I think I'm going to end up quoting his entire book. Really. Wait, this book is a 'reader'? An amassing of every paper written on the subject... ever? Crap. I've got to read all this? Oh damn, this guy has a similar idea to mine and he wrote it a century ago. I'm so screwed.
"...screwed..."
I should probably try reading a book for fun. Or go to a movie. Or do anything else. No, trying to learn blues guitar is not helping. The show I'm directing this year will have a blues band in it, and learning the blues guitar will definitely help that process. It won't help me write anything, but I'm at least doing something. Badly. I can't play guitar nearly as well as I should be able to after all these years. I suck at writing and playing guitar.
"...i've got the blues. and the blues has got me..."
<end transcript>
Have I learned anything about myself, my thesis, or my Shakespeare? Not yet. The writing of a blog seems to help though.
"..." - Shakespeare.
Year 2, Day 47 - Words Written: ...
Saturday, 26 October 2013
Monday, 7 October 2013
Year 2, Day 28: Shakespeare Institute -- Plans.
I have a plan, and according to the movie Layer Cake, 'make a plan, and stick to it.' So, I must stick to the plan I have made. Yup, plan a stick and make it. Make the stick, plan it, and then burn it up in lieu of a new plan to stick to. Stick to that planned make and it will kill you. Now wait, should I capitalize 'making a plane' as the title of my new article on 'driving sticks that will make you kill the plan' or what?
It is so easy to get derailed, off-topic, or stuck on a tangent when planning your own research that if you don't write down what you are intending to do from the beginning, by the end, you will have shot yourself in the foot with all that incredibly unimportant and irrelevant research you've spent a month on and now can't use.
Slow down for a second, ask yourself 'is this just fun I'm having or is this an actual chapter I can use?' If it is a chapter, write down the chapter title for the sake of your sanity. If it's just fun, don't stop... keep reading, writing, dancing, listening to music, or whatever it was you were doing. It is rare to find the fun. Keep it going, but just be aware that when doing research on Shakespeare, figuring out the chord changes for Keb Mo's blues version of 'America the Beautiful' is probably not going to help you.
It. Stick. And. Plan. Make. To. A.
Try again. Even if you've lost yourself in bottle of whiskey watching re-runs of The Big Bang Theory every night since your last attempt at writing, try it again. You are only a failure at something if you've given up trying to do it. The month of drinking and debauchery you've just been through will be seen as part of your writing 'process' later on when they finally close the book on you.
Label the plan, put it aside, call on it another day if you have to it. Spoilers... The guy who said 'make a plan and stick to it' in the movie Layer Cake dies at the end. Fly by the seat of your pants until those pants catch fire. Then you know you're doing it right. Act as if ye have faith, and faith shall given to you. Fake it til you make it. Write your own bland generalization into a metaphor and say it a lot... eventually you'll believe it.
I don't have one yet, but I'm thinking of renting one for this term.
(Editor's Note: The stream of consciousness that has been at work here does not necessarily reflect the writing typical of this blog or the blogging typical of this writer. It is the best way I know to work through writer's block when trying to come up with ideas for formatting my PhD thesis and possible chapter titles.)
It is so easy to get derailed, off-topic, or stuck on a tangent when planning your own research that if you don't write down what you are intending to do from the beginning, by the end, you will have shot yourself in the foot with all that incredibly unimportant and irrelevant research you've spent a month on and now can't use.
Slow down for a second, ask yourself 'is this just fun I'm having or is this an actual chapter I can use?' If it is a chapter, write down the chapter title for the sake of your sanity. If it's just fun, don't stop... keep reading, writing, dancing, listening to music, or whatever it was you were doing. It is rare to find the fun. Keep it going, but just be aware that when doing research on Shakespeare, figuring out the chord changes for Keb Mo's blues version of 'America the Beautiful' is probably not going to help you.
It. Stick. And. Plan. Make. To. A.
Try again. Even if you've lost yourself in bottle of whiskey watching re-runs of The Big Bang Theory every night since your last attempt at writing, try it again. You are only a failure at something if you've given up trying to do it. The month of drinking and debauchery you've just been through will be seen as part of your writing 'process' later on when they finally close the book on you.
Label the plan, put it aside, call on it another day if you have to it. Spoilers... The guy who said 'make a plan and stick to it' in the movie Layer Cake dies at the end. Fly by the seat of your pants until those pants catch fire. Then you know you're doing it right. Act as if ye have faith, and faith shall given to you. Fake it til you make it. Write your own bland generalization into a metaphor and say it a lot... eventually you'll believe it.
I don't have one yet, but I'm thinking of renting one for this term.
(Editor's Note: The stream of consciousness that has been at work here does not necessarily reflect the writing typical of this blog or the blogging typical of this writer. It is the best way I know to work through writer's block when trying to come up with ideas for formatting my PhD thesis and possible chapter titles.)
"If we didn’t have rational minds to counterbalance our emotions and desires, our bodily urges would take over."-- Othello (I.iii)
Year 2, Day 28 - Words Written: 0.
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Year 2, Day 23: Shakespeare Institute -- First Supervision.
I'm officially a PhD student or candidate now. The process being long and convoluted, after having officially achieved a passing grade on my Master's Dissertation/ Pilot Study, I am now studying for my terminal degree, a PhD in Shakespeare Studies. There are no more grades, only supervisions.
I had to write all of this down to document how I have felt over the last few days, so that I might remember it exactly. I have worked my entire life towards a status in my own community of intellectuals, scholars, artists, and teachers that deserves a modicum of respect, enough so that others sit up and listen to you speak before they start arguing with you. They read what you write, and form cogent thoughts, write down notes, and want to have a healthy debate with you and the ideals you have presented, while also keeping an open mind in the process.
This was what my first PhD supervision with Dr. Abigail Rokison was like.
She had read my ideas, and was sufficiently offended by the ideas presented within my Pilot Study to begin a debate with me. I think we were both smiling the whole time... and if I lapsed at all in my facial expression it was not due to a lack of joy I was feeling. I didn't want to leave the office. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I had spent enough time in that office debating with an incredibly smart PhD who is also a professional actress/ artist, that we might have actually solved the world's artistic problems.
Of course I could be overstating.
I think I have conveyed my joy in conversation over the topic of thesis successfully. That being said however, I know that I have a lot more work ahead of me. Abigail has suggested a series of case studies for my thesis, one or two for each chapter. In the next month I am to come up with as many formats as are possible for my thesis, and I've got more of those swimming around in my head than I do useable brain cells at the moment. Professor John Jowett will be the co-supervisor on my thesis, and he will be helping me find an academic voice in my writing that I am not so great at yet, and one at which he excels.
The debate from yesterday was incredible, and I want more of that. I want to offend, to enlighten, to provoke, to chip away at, to hack into pieces, to rebuild, to mould, to transform, and to respectfully trash my own and other theatrical practitioners beliefs... I don't want to rehash, or restate. I'm feeling excited by the prospect of having three years wherein intelligent people will want to listen to what I have to say, with the proviso that goes without saying by them... that I do what I have always done, which is listen to them as well. Though I have not, and will not, discuss my thesis here until it is completely done and published, I can say that it involves creating a methodology by which people can better understand one another: a noble effort if ever there was one. This back and forth, you know this listening and then responding thing, might have some juice in it. I think I will try to continue that kind of conversation making for as long as I can and see where it gets me.
Again, of course, I could be overstating here.
Oh, and the United States Congress decided to shut down the government yesterday (to give anyone a sense later on of what was going on in the news right now.)
''He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
Finer than the staple of his argument.'' -- Love's Labours Lost (V.i)
Year 2, Day 23 - Words Written: 0
I had to write all of this down to document how I have felt over the last few days, so that I might remember it exactly. I have worked my entire life towards a status in my own community of intellectuals, scholars, artists, and teachers that deserves a modicum of respect, enough so that others sit up and listen to you speak before they start arguing with you. They read what you write, and form cogent thoughts, write down notes, and want to have a healthy debate with you and the ideals you have presented, while also keeping an open mind in the process.
This was what my first PhD supervision with Dr. Abigail Rokison was like.
She had read my ideas, and was sufficiently offended by the ideas presented within my Pilot Study to begin a debate with me. I think we were both smiling the whole time... and if I lapsed at all in my facial expression it was not due to a lack of joy I was feeling. I didn't want to leave the office. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I had spent enough time in that office debating with an incredibly smart PhD who is also a professional actress/ artist, that we might have actually solved the world's artistic problems.
Of course I could be overstating.
I think I have conveyed my joy in conversation over the topic of thesis successfully. That being said however, I know that I have a lot more work ahead of me. Abigail has suggested a series of case studies for my thesis, one or two for each chapter. In the next month I am to come up with as many formats as are possible for my thesis, and I've got more of those swimming around in my head than I do useable brain cells at the moment. Professor John Jowett will be the co-supervisor on my thesis, and he will be helping me find an academic voice in my writing that I am not so great at yet, and one at which he excels.
The debate from yesterday was incredible, and I want more of that. I want to offend, to enlighten, to provoke, to chip away at, to hack into pieces, to rebuild, to mould, to transform, and to respectfully trash my own and other theatrical practitioners beliefs... I don't want to rehash, or restate. I'm feeling excited by the prospect of having three years wherein intelligent people will want to listen to what I have to say, with the proviso that goes without saying by them... that I do what I have always done, which is listen to them as well. Though I have not, and will not, discuss my thesis here until it is completely done and published, I can say that it involves creating a methodology by which people can better understand one another: a noble effort if ever there was one. This back and forth, you know this listening and then responding thing, might have some juice in it. I think I will try to continue that kind of conversation making for as long as I can and see where it gets me.
Again, of course, I could be overstating here.
Oh, and the United States Congress decided to shut down the government yesterday (to give anyone a sense later on of what was going on in the news right now.)
''He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
Finer than the staple of his argument.'' -- Love's Labours Lost (V.i)
Year 2, Day 23 - Words Written: 0
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