There is a certain amount of editing that happens in the brain of any writer, while writing a diary (or in this case, blog) that accounts for the days he or she wishes to document. It is enough to say that eventually, in any environment we come to live and grow comfortable in, we begin to actually care about our surroundings enough to want to put our mark on them. If you live in a rented and furnished apartment, for instance, eventually you will want to hang a portrait or include a piece of furniture that is indelibly linked to you, or is your own. The editing that occurs in the writer's mind is that in the event of someone else erasing that mark, throwing out that portrait, or altering or replacing that piece of furniture, we can somehow associate that action as having a personal affect on the writer, and it then occupies the writer's thoughts (almost completely) to make a statement or write a rebuke of that person who had the balls to erase that mark of individuality.
If I seem vague, don't worry, I am being deliberate.
This entry is not to shout at the heavens at the unfairness of it all, but more regarding the deliberate obtuseness some might have at thinking when an opportunity presents itself to change things for the better. As it happens, changing things for the better is a sentiment that is almost never welcome. Or if it is, the individual responsible for the change is never credited for it. As artists, or students, the collective "we" believes that there is something out there that "we" may use to make our mark. Which does not always happen. Somedays, we must plod through our lives under the assumption that no one will notice us today. When we step into our offices or cubicles, saying nothing to anyone beyond the noncommittal morning grunt over the coffee pot, and merely act as cogs in the machine. However, the days when we truly find our groove and have a life beyond the "life measured in coffee spoons" is when we truly begin to believe we can make a difference. An idea occurs, a gap in people's thinking is filled, a decision is made... and resolve to change the world kicks in. It is here that obtuseness sets in.
First, the artist and "sucker" in us all believes that this idea will undoubtedly change the world. Second, that this change will be seen by all as a good thing. Third, that once those who are in a position to support you see the light of day, they will emphatically stand behind you (not that I know how one is supposed to "stand emphatically") and let you continue on your path to knowledge, enlightenment, happiness, or whatever you want to call it. The obtuse individual, will at this point, be happy in his or her ventures. Only then does the rest of the world kick you in the pants.
There is no good idea that has ever existed in this world that wasn't worth stealing. There is no effort ever made towards that good that wasn't worth wanting the credit for... The obtuse individual, artist or student, will realize their mistake soon enough. The painting they hung on their walls, wasn't their idea... it was the landlord's. The furniture they bought because it completed the room, does not belong to them... it belongs to the apartment now. When the artist moves from space to space, the success is fleeting, and ultimately never theirs to begin with.
I should have said at the beginning of this blog, "There is no need to read any further in this post, because it will say nothing whatsoever relevant to your lives."
I will continue to act the obtuse individual, because my work in this world is not yet done. Eventually, I will find another like-minded artist who sees the world as I do, a place to make our own. In the meantime, if I find someone stealing credit, using me for labor, treating me as if I am stupid, or trying to manipulate me into serving their purposes... I can smile, nod, and then walk away content that I know exactly who they are.
We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers
And sitting by desolate streams;—
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems. -- Arthur O'Shaughnessy, Ode, Music & Moonlight (1874)
Year 1, Day 116: Words Written (in my second term) -- 0.
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