Since writing my last essay, wherein I thought I might have a moment or three to breathe afterward, I have been writing my dissertation conference presentation, which is of course, due tomorrow in the form of me standing at the lectern and giving my ideas to a bunch of sleep-deprived twenty-somethings who are more concerned about their own research presentation to ask me any questions beyond a tertiary consideration using words they picked out from my speech. That being said, I'm gonna just get through it, though I haven't any idea of whether or not it will ultimately help the writing of the dissertation/ pilot project.
Don't get me wrong. The sleep-deprived twenty-somethings are incredibly smart, and love all things Shakespeare (why else would they be here?). Their level of interest has less to do with their own intellect and more to do with my topic of dissertation. As this is a very public forum, I can say that it is on Shakespearean Theatrical Design, but nothing more than that really, and that I am the only person at the Institute (teachers included) who has a remote interest in producing anything of academic value on the topic of Theatrical Design. Really. There are actors here, academics and poets, scholars and pretentious thinkers aplenty. When I say that I am doing a full day of tech for a show, everyone's response (and I do mean everyone) is "boooring."
I love my topic, and I love-loving doing the full days of tech. It is the reason I decided to come here in the first place. I don't believe anyone in this town would find it nearly so interesting save for a passing glance at the topic and a cursory reading of the research findings. In two weeks, I have an interview with an RSC designer. I'm to sit down and pick his brain. Then I will hopefully have more and more interviews as the summer wears on, and even more when the PhD. kicks in, and I'll be positively swimming in research. It'll be fantastically boring to all but me.
I bring all this up because this is the first time I've ever attempted an original idea for an academic paper. I've been at school so long I've grown accustomed to teachers telling me what they'd like to see, and questions they'd like answered. I'm now in uncharted territory, both figuratively and figuratively. Uncharted as I have never done this stuff before, and uncharted as this research has never before been done... (to my knowledge). Hearkening back to an earlier set of blog posts, wherein I feared my research had already been explored and I was saying exactly nothing new, I'm scared. For entirely different reasons this time, but scared nonetheless.
My research could change the way people design the works of William Shakespeare, or even change the way theatrical design is perceived by audiences everywhere. Really, if I'm up to the task, I could change the damn world and the way we see it. If I believe that, I can make it through these next couple years. I don't want to think about what will happen to me if I do lose sight of that goal to change the world.
Don't get me wrong... again. The world I'm talking about isn't the globe of the earth. It isn't all of mankind. It isn't made up of every poor schlub who decides he or she wants to become a professional actor and jumps the bus to Hollywood to make it big. It's my world. The one that I can see, taste, touch, and smell. I can change that world, as I have many times before... and hopefully, a few other worlds will fall to my dominating intellect. That's all.
So. Now all I gotta do, is give a speech tomorrow. Interview many famous designers of Shakespeare. Write a champion dissertation. Get my scholarship. Research and write a PhD thesis. And that is my recipe for changing the world... for right now. Check back with me in a year and it'll probably be different.
We know what we are, but know not what we may be. - Hamlet, IV.v
Year 1, Day 234 - Words Written: 24,000 (give or take a speech or two)
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