It is really easy to get side-tracked, distracted, confused, and then, angry once you realize you are no longer on track. How very easy it is to throw yourself into a job that is not your own. Incredibly simple it is to toss aside that which you should be focused upon, in lieu of something new... or old... or just merely shiny and right before your eyes. Such is one of many problems that a PhD. must face. I've spent the last month and some on designing a production of Twelfth Night for the Shakespeare Institute Players. I've not shunned my work mind you, I've merely spent less time on it than I believe I should have.
On the other hand, I've been told that I must outline my entire thesis. Giving some idea of what my research will be, some clue to my supervisors of what I am here for... This. was. surprisingly. easy. With all the problems I have faced for the past year trying to write and come up with some idea of what to say, it seems that when left to my own devices, I've got lots of ideas... I wouldn't be here otherwise. I've had an idea of what I've wanted to do, and the research I've wished to be a part of, for longer than most. So, I suppose, the outlining... the many questions I have... the very reason for my seeking a PhD is very clear to me, and apparently, I can actually frame this thesis succinctly.
It is only now in realizing that my questions have come so easily, do I realize that the answers to those questions through research, reading, interviews, or those 'holy-crap' moments when lost in thought... will be exceptionally difficult for someone who has been seeking answers for so long. If the questions come easily, the answers will in turn much more elusive.
So far, my supervisors have only asked for outlines, questions, and possible research options. I should enjoy this relatively peaceful process for I fear that it will not last long. As for the design of Twelfth Night, I'm done that now as well. I'm watching the Tech rehearsal right now, and it seems to be going as well as can be expected. All lines having been memorized, all costumes having been fitted... all light and sound cues being performed by someone else as I sit back and enjoy.
It will fast become a terrific-ly impossible process of writing on a subject that I feel no one else is equipped to achieve. It may sound incredibly arrogant to think so, but if you knew my topic, you'd probably say, "This is a subject that only you could write, for you are the only person I've known to be even interested in it." Crap. I'm getting boring.
Quick. I need something interesting to say...
"This will last out a night in Russia,
When nights are longest there." - Measure for Measure (II, i)
Year 2, Day 85 - Words Written: Am I doing it wrong?
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