Dear All,
In the past month, I have written (and still writing) my first sample of my first chapter of the last paper I will ever have to have graded in order to receive a degree. I have taught a Master's-level University of Birmingham class in Sound Design for the Theatre. I have auditioned and cast for the show that I am directing for the RSC Open Stages project, Measure for Measure, produced by the Shakespeare Institute Players. I have reopened the rather successful swing dance I run here in Stratford-upon-Avon, and our attendance is still growing! The assembly of a great blues band is in the making, and I have recorded their very first jam session, for the purposes of giving the production of Measure a musical element! All this, and I still feel as if I am the most boring guy at the party... and I'm still very interested in everything I am doing.
It is a strange dichotomy. To know that you are boring, and to still be very interested in everything you are doing... I think I know how accountants, tax auditors, and garbage men feel. Or at least how I'd imagine they'd have to feel when they go to parties. They love what they do (ok, maybe not the garbage men... they love the money they make) and yet they know they shouldn't ever talk about it in public for fear of killing someone with boredom. Weaponized lethargy. "Look out, it's David. We must not talk to him for fear of extreme apathy."
That's right, I'm fatally tedious. And I know it.
Whenever I catch myself talking (which is far too much), I have the voice going off in the back of my head telling me to shut my mouth... which is of course distracting, so everything coming out of my mouth then becomes a jumble of nonsense, turning that voice in my head to a shout that pleads with me to 'never speak again'... which doesn't matter anyway because by this time I can actually hear the voices in everyone else's head around me. "What a sad little man" and "You are dumber than a bag of hammers" and "Please, for the love of everything holy, stop saying words."
Lesson learned: If I have to open my mouth, it should either be to stuff my face with food or to drink heavily. If I must emit sound, it should be a non-committal grunt that could possibly be a response to those who are far more interesting around me asking a question that requires an answer.
I've also recently discovered that my tediousness has spread to my face, when listening to others. Instead of 'bitchy resting face,' which I hear has become a problem amongst women who cannot hide their disinterest in their friends' lives... I have 'murder resting face,' wherein it looks as if I want to kill someone when I am simply in a relaxed state of mind. I think I also need to make a conscious effort to soften my features a little, as I've not felt like killing anyone for quite some time (hours at least).
I wonder if Master Shakespeare thought himself boring...
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale
Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. - King John (III, iv)
Words Written: 956 -- Good Words Written: -956
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